***This is just my way of looking at it***

Most people “fall in love” at some point of a life stage. It is a very enjoyable feeling of completeness and it creates a sense of direction in life. Then how come some people fall in love and it brings them misery? How can a person tell if they are really in love, or if they are just feeling the chemical reaction taking place in the body? Love is something that must grow, it does not just happen.

 How sad and meaningless would life be, if people didn’t see any reasons to live for? Most of individuals search for that meaning to life, and a great amount of them find the answer in love. A person that “falls in love” feels complete. Love creates a sense of direction that a person wants to follow in order to stay happy, and satisfy the other side of the relationship. The feeling becomes so strong at some points, that it almost feels like there is nothing that can stand in the path of it. A person that feels love is more active, they feel like they can achieve anything, they feel good about themselves.

 So how come sometimes that feeling turns around and creates more problems than good? Why is it that some people stay together forever, and others brake apart and become to hate each other? It is very easy for a person to be blinded by the opposite sex, and think they want to spend more time with them. Some people make certain decisions too early into the relationship that is starting to develop. The worst happens when one side of the relationship is becoming really involved, yet the other side cares less. Often one of the sides becomes frightened that they are getting into something too serious and end up “dropping out” of the relationship. What the other person is left with is quotes like: “But I loved him/her so much”, “I was just trying to do my best to keep us together, where did I go wrong?”, “All I wanted was someone that would always be there for me, I felt like he/she was that person, how come they didn’t?” etc. People should not rush into things like that, that is why they end up getting hurt at the end. And that also brings me down to the topic of the “real love” versus the “chemical love”.

 The “chemical love” is basically a reaction that takes place in our body. Just like fright, thrill, sadness, are just chemical “feelings”. For example: after watching a scary movie for the first time, a person is frightened by the events that take place in that movie. Yet the second time they watch the same movie, they don’t get the same feeling out of it, and after the third time they don’t care much for it at all. What I’m trying to say is that the chemical love is what gets people in trouble. This is exactly why people get into relationships too early, and most of the time they either get bored of each other, or one of the sides does not put much interest into the relationship, just the basic physical “stuff”.

Now on the other hand, the “real love is something that I personally pursue. In my books, a person does not feel the real love when they are attracted to the opposite sex. Like mentioned before, it is just a chemical reaction taking place. The real love is when two people are there for each other. The two people pay great attention to the relationship, and they are both committed to it. It is when two people can, and want to stay with each other, and are satisfied. They do not need anybody else for that matter. That is the real love (by short).

So how can a person know that they have this “real love” thing going on? By getting to know the opposite really well, and spending as much time as possible with them it is possible to get an idea where the relationship is standing. Obviously the “butterflies in the stomach” effect will not appear constantly. Obviously situations of disagreement will occur in the relationship, and they either affect the relationship, or they get solved, compromised. On the other hand, a “chemical love” will not last for long. It is just a feeling of attraction and something new that happens in our life. It has nothing to do with future events that will take place in the relationship, nor does it create any form of relationship. It is not about care, and commitment.

 It takes a great amount of time to get to know a person fully enough to love them. A couple, a few, or more years. Love is something that just like a tree needs to grow before it reaches its full form. A tree cannot be planted, and the next day found blooming with fruit. It needs to be taken care of, it needs certain amounts of sun, water, and space, and so does love. You cannot speed up the process of a tree growing. You could feed it chemicals, but would that be really that healthy for it in the long run? Just like you should not rush into a relationship, and use the word love too early, or even think about it too early. You need to give it space; you need to give it time. By taking care of it the relationship, and making sure the other person is doing the same, you can then be sure that you are in for the “good stuff”. Most importantly: “you love him/her, she/he don’t love you back?”. Drop it. Seriously, why put effort into a relationship when the other person doesn’t care for it? That’s pretty much like imposing what you want on them. And that never ends up being any good. Think about it? When looking at a little kid that is being forced to … hmmmm … lets say going to church. That kid will most likely start hating church, and will never want to go back there when he/she grows up. Where if it was left up to him/her, he/she would most likely keep going to church. (of course I’m aware that this is a pretty poor example, because getting deeper into the issue of church, the outcomes are more connected to the religious side of the person, but its just an example, ALRITE? Hehe)

Most people need to be loved, and love at the same time. Love can be a very good and beneficial thing, as long as it is considered in its full form. Chemical reactions in our bodies are there for a reason , but they are not the reason behind everything. Feeling love and being in love are two different things. People must come to the point where they can tell the feeling from the real thing apart. Love does not have to be a misery. If it is, then you’re most likely not involved with the right person for you. Let it grow, and let it be the beautiful thing that it can be.

-allie